29
Sep
07

14. Homeless Psych 101 (Or something funny happenend on the way to the poor house)

YOU ARE NOT HOMELESS IF YOU CAN DEAL WITH IT! This is a big step down for some people. This is the end of life for many. I know, I went through all of the despondency issues. I looked at hanging myself, ceilings in the apartment were too low and would have had to break out the ceiling to find a ceiling joist. Drinking liquid mercury from the thermostat (after research just passes through the intestines). Liquid Drano (too painful and messy), taking all my meds (just liver damage), throwing myself out of my apartment (lived on first floor), stabbing myself in the heart (damn how hard do I have to push), throwing myself in front of traffic (been hit by a car before by accident and survived so not sure this would work), so you see I was out of options and was doomed to live.
OK now that I am nearly eternal, now what? Guess I needed a plan. The one thing I knew was that I could not be like these scraggly looking derelicts, unkempt, asking for handouts. So my first plan was to look like a stranded air passenger. I was wearing a button down oxford (which I still wear on occasion), tie, nice jeans, rolling luggage, and I did get a ride right off. Unfortunately that was the first and only one for two days. The tie was ruined in a rain shower.
It was time to re-think the uniform. Hygeine and outward appearance is important. Always be well groomed no matter what. Being homeless you can never tell what the timing of life is or what it will bring. Every second can bring a life making event.
After deciding that rolling the wheels off of airline bags for miles at a time was not practical nor working so hot, as well as performing this heroic feat in tie and tie clip, I modified the uniform somewhat. From Gold Card (Old Life John) To Adventurer Style (New Life John). Shedding the tie, oxford, roller luggage INTO t-shirts (without logos), ripstop tan cargo pants, and back pack. All of a sudden, I created a new mental image! I shed the last mental vestiges of my old life. It was like the a weight lifted. I was no longer worried I might be “seen” by someone that used to work for me or knew me. My mental accumen re-honed itself. Things that I had long forgotten from survival training were stirring, the rain clouds on the horizon were telling my brain cells I needed to think of shelter, the $200.00 dollars in my wallet were telling me I needed better security, so many things were talking to me.
That evening in my shelter dry in a fierce rain, my mind going a mile a minute Tsun Tzu would have been proud. Japanese businessmen would have trembled in awe at the thoughts. My mind was gearing for perfect modern survival using homelessness for business or vice versa. Homelessness is Marketing for Survival! It is a 24 hour a day job. There are plenty of panhandlers or beggers out there, but who is going to get the dollar. You have to be a genius to get it. A genuine Marketing Magnate. You also have to be a Man vs. Wild, a Fighter, and your own Chief of Security. You have to be strongly independant and to be able to analyze.
You also have to be Compassionate. That means helping your fellow man that is more fortunate than you as well as less fortunate than you. That means you are still a human being. You are still part of the human race. People might not have compassion for you because of your circumstances. Heck, except those that know me, when people see me most think that I am some sort of crackhead probably. I cannot change peoples opinions unless they talk to me.
OK We all have people that love us. They do not understand why we have chosen to live the life of homelessness instead of the beds we were offered in family homes etc. For me it was a pride issue. I do not want to be living under a roof I left when I was 17 and joined the army, to give admit to having had an illness that kicked my ass, that left me losing my apartment, eating up my savings, made me sell all of my posessions including my cars to live off of, close my business, watch me humiliate myself by going to Department of Social Services, file personal and corporate bankruptcies,Feel betrayed by the system, wanting to commit suicide, watch a deputy evict me, and then being offered a bed in a place full of repeat offenders and crackheads by the VA as a place to live. I will get back to my place in life and help others along the way. Maybe this was my calling along the way. Good luck all.

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