61.Wanderingvet The Cowboy

john-wayne.jpgDear Wanderingvets and Friends:

Since I have been homeless I have been performing many odd jobs. The most recent one was looking after horses.

I have not been any closer to a horse other than to a pony.That was when I rode a pony and I was four years old and my father took me to the county fair. That pony was tethered to other ponies on a device that walked us and about six other kids around a circle inside a penned in area. Now that creature was fearsome and kept excreting charcoal looking bricks out of his tail. I have learned that creatures bigger than me have always meant harm to me and belong on a dinner plate.

To say the least, when I looked at a few full grown horses, hay, horse dung, stalls, fences, feed, fields, barns, water troughs and shovels… I felt a little out of my league. As well as amazed at the amounts of horse manure two horses can produce! How am I supposed to clean all of this crap up!

So it was with trepidation that I followed the path down to the stable area. I was realizing that after a 38 year lapse in my equinine training I was a little rusty. I was eyeing everything suspiciously. In the days when I owned a television, I had seen terrible things happen to the guy on “Dirty Jobs”. In my arena of limited laundry, no horse was going to befoul me. Wanderingvet was on alert like a Wackenhut Security Guard at a Pilot Travel Center in Birmingham, AL against hitch hiking veterans.

So I came upon my first horse, we will call him Snickers. He was eyeing me suspiciously. Undoubtedly he had never seen a human so scared in his life and was going to play this up. He knew by turning his rump at a scared human, he was striking fear into the mortal soul of me. I was envisioning being found dead with a hoof mark on my forehead, and my brains blown out the back of my head. Mission over,I backed away cautiously. His partner Ranger, being hungry agreed to this game for a time but nudged him after 15 minutes of this.

After Ranger and Snickers had their giggles, I was finally allowed to pass to the feeding area. It was with caution I entered, keeping my eye on these two four legged miscreants. Of course I missed the little white four legged dog, who decided to get in on the action at that moment, and started yelping. This action set Ranger and Snickers into dancing like tribal cannibals thus setting the third party (me) scurrying for safety out of the confines of the pen for fear of being sacrificed during the dance. Now completely at loss for a plan of attack, I decided on something simple to do…Ah I can fill the water trough. One task simply done.

Dammit I still have to feed these creatures. I do not want to be on “Animal Cops” for starving them! Snickers shows how happy he is with me as he raises his tail and fires off a salvo of briquettes towards my direction. Ranger and Snickers have not had this much fun since they trampled their last visitor to death I guess (a point that must have been left out of my orientation to this job). The dog keeps cheering them on, (thoughts of malfeasance towards him go through my head) aha I have an idea! Back over two acres of pasture dodging manure. FEED THE DOG!

Mission Accomplished. Dog is now chomping furiously away on his kibbles. Now back to the Ranger and Snickers Show. Ranger has now moved and planted his ass squarely in the entry to the pen (oh you glue bag). I have heard never stand behind the horse but I have to hurry since I am worried the dog will come back and start the riot again. I approach the horse from the side best as I can and squeeze through the side imagining him squeezing me to death against the post (luckily that was not in his book of preferred doom). I am back in the pen and finally see the opening to the feed stores. By this time, I am feeling like Indiana Jones as I calmly look around for any hidden traps (mainly manure piles since I am wearing hiking boots). I finally make it inside and find the horses Flake (a combination of hay and other stuff that is good for them…please don’t ask me). I grab one for each and place it in their stalls. It is a miracle! Two well behaved horses! Once I got to the feed I could pet them they are as tame as could be. All of my 4 year and 42 year fears were cured. After that initial day the rest of their care was a fun time. Except everytime I managed to clean one spot they managed to crap on it again.

By the way, I learned why cowboy boots are flat on the bottom, It ain’t for dancin’.



4 Responses to “61.Wanderingvet The Cowboy”

  1. 1 Carolyn Sandoval
    November 5, 2007 at 6:50 pm

    Glad to hear you have manueverd this task just keep up the good work and might learn to like horses and farming

  2. 2 Jim
    November 5, 2007 at 7:22 pm

    Love the story..been there, done that.

  3. 3 Joanne
    November 6, 2007 at 5:06 pm

    Thank God you sense of humor is still intact. Please please please post the shot of you in the manure! 🙂

    Cheers, Joanne

  4. November 6, 2007 at 5:48 pm

    Hey, glad you are seeking out new adventures everyday!

    Just working on my 4-H badges

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