62.One Night I Was Bored… I should have stayed that way

Dear Wanderingvets and Friends,

Living on the side of a mountain at times does lack some moments of social interaction. So desiring some time off from my buddies Mr. Elk, and Mr. and Mrs. Blue Jay and their Aunts and Uncles, I decided to take an evening in town.

Now it was sort of late and they do roll up the sidewalks sort of early in this dusty hole in the wall along Route 66. So I was ambling along the sidewalk down past the state prison with the “Do Not Pick Up Hitch Hikers” and the “Help Wanted” signs out front. Now I have been pondering these signs for a month now (Need help keeping the inmates in I am imagining). When all of a sudden, again .I am at the mecca of all fraternal veteran organizations, could it be again the AMERICAN LEGION INK!

The parking lot was full! Was it two for one beer and tattoo night? I had to look as curiosity was killing me! I walked cautiously to the door. My homeless senses were on alert, when I had the crap scared out of me by BATMAN and Cinderella! Oh the journalist in me was quivering to protect myself with my journal in front of my eyes. I had not yet hit the publish button on my AL Ink article yet, so this could not be a superhero hit team. What is this scary duo trying to do to me?

Anyways, the costumed dupes soon explained to me it was Halloween and asked where my costume was? I wanted to explain I was coming as the homeless guy (thought it in poor taste at the moment) and said “I forgot its Halloween” it was the 27th I think which was ok since it was a Saturday anyways and all was forgiven. Now I have to admit, some of these people did not need costumes to make them any more ugly. There was a band playing, and some guy there asked me to dance with his wife. I did not like this idea at all. I try to be unobtrusive as possible and dancing with a mans wife is not the way to do it.

Well as the night goes on the head tattooist recognizes me and says hello. I asked him where the tattoo machine is just like we are talking about the pinball machine and he said “oh we had to make room for dancing tonight”. Oh that explains it I thought! Anyway, someone told me the guy dressed up in the Star Trek uniform shooting everyone with his stun gun was a detective lieutenant and that caught my journalistic interest for this small town. I asked Batman to introduce us since I had just completed a convincing Two Step (and since I do not know how to Two Step it was even more convincing) with his wife Pebbles. Batman agreed and took me over.

Capt. Picard or whoever the Detective was trying to be was a model looking detective. Blond haired, trimmed moustache, very dapper looking and slim in appearance. He is also very stuck on himself. I introduced myself as a writer of a website that dealt in homeless veterans issues and named the website. We had a drink together and did some small talk as he shot pool.

I took my beat up journal out and asked if he minded I ask him some questions about homelessness in a small town such as he patrolled and he replied “not at all”. I asked if he had many homeless veterans in the area and he replied “a few”. I then asked if he had many problems with them and he replied “some but not a lot”. I then asked about tattoo machines in bars and he did not want to talk about that. I asked how he felt about homeless veterans and he replied “they are a bunch of shit heads who think the world owes them something, and as far as I am concerned they…..hey who are you again? Are you recording and writing this down” I said “of course this is my notebook here” The Det. said “where is your press card?” I could not resist: “Do you ask Katie Couric for hers?” Wrong ANSWER! I was immediately ejected from American Legion Ink.

The police were also called with three cruisers responding for some reason. Of course since I was walking, they never found me. That would have been too easy. As a master of civil disobedience Mr. Elk told me I should just stay home next time I get that bored.

Wanderingvet