06
Nov
07

62.One Night I Was Bored… I should have stayed that way

Detective Watch Out

Dear Wanderingvets and Friends,

Living on the side of a mountain at times does lack some moments of social interaction. So desiring some time off from my buddies Mr. Elk, and Mr. and Mrs. Blue Jay and their Aunts and Uncles, I decided to take an evening in town.

Now it was sort of late and they do roll up the sidewalks sort of early in this dusty hole in the wall along Route 66. So I was ambling along the sidewalk down past the state prison with the “Do Not Pick Up Hitch Hikers” and the “Help Wanted” signs out front. Now I have been pondering these signs for a month now (Need help keeping the inmates in I am imagining). When all of a sudden, again .I am at the mecca of all fraternal veteran organizations, could it be again the AMERICAN LEGION INK!

The parking lot was full! Was it two for one beer and tattoo night? I had to look as curiosity was killing me! I walked cautiously to the door. My homeless senses were on alert, when I had the crap scared out of me by BATMAN and Cinderella! Oh the journalist in me was quivering to protect myself with my journal in front of my eyes. I had not yet hit the publish button on my AL Ink article yet, so this could not be a superhero hit team. What is this scary duo trying to do to me?

Anyways, the costumed dupes soon explained to me it was Halloween and asked where my costume was? I wanted to explain I was coming as the homeless guy (thought it in poor taste at the moment) and said “I forgot its Halloween” it was the 27th I think which was ok since it was a Saturday anyways and all was forgiven. Now I have to admit, some of these people did not need costumes to make them any more ugly. There was a band playing, and some guy there asked me to dance with his wife. I did not like this idea at all. I try to be unobtrusive as possible and dancing with a mans wife is not the way to do it.

Well as the night goes on the head tattooist recognizes me and says hello. I asked him where the tattoo machine is just like we are talking about the pinball machine and he said “oh we had to make room for dancing tonight”. Oh that explains it I thought! Anyway, someone told me the guy dressed up in the Star Trek uniform shooting everyone with his stun gun was a detective lieutenant and that caught my journalistic interest for this small town. I asked Batman to introduce us since I had just completed a convincing Two Step (and since I do not know how to Two Step it was even more convincing) with his wife Pebbles. Batman agreed and took me over.

Capt. Picard or whoever the Detective was trying to be was a model looking detective. Blond haired, trimmed moustache, very dapper looking and slim in appearance. He is also very stuck on himself. I introduced myself as a writer of a website that dealt in homeless veterans issues and named the website. We had a drink together and did some small talk as he shot pool.

I took my beat up journal out and asked if he minded I ask him some questions about homelessness in a small town such as he patrolled and he replied “not at all”. I asked if he had many homeless veterans in the area and he replied “a few”. I then asked if he had many problems with them and he replied “some but not a lot”. I then asked about tattoo machines in bars and he did not want to talk about that. I asked how he felt about homeless veterans and he replied “they are a bunch of shit heads who think the world owes them something, and as far as I am concerned they…..hey who are you again? Are you recording and writing this down” I said “of course this is my notebook here” The Det. said “where is your press card?” I could not resist: “Do you ask Katie Couric for hers?” Wrong ANSWER! I was immediately ejected from American Legion Ink.

The police were also called with three cruisers responding for some reason. Of course since I was walking, they never found me. That would have been too easy. As a master of civil disobedience Mr. Elk told me I should just stay home next time I get that bored.

Wanderingvet

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2 Responses to “62.One Night I Was Bored… I should have stayed that way”


  1. November 6, 2007 at 10:35 pm

    So are you on your travels again? Looking for more adventures with horses or run ins with superman?

    My days are one day at a time, you cannot rush things like this.

    Wanderingvet

  2. November 7, 2007 at 1:19 am

    Good story!

    Sounds like your name is MUD in that town. If the Mr. Stupid was not too drunk, he might remember your website endough to find it, and Mr. Tatoo probably has been alerted twice now that you are a curious journalist taking stuff down. He’s gonna think his business is the real story.

    I’ve a couple of questions that you might address in some future column if you want to hold it for that. I”m interested in your laptop setup.

    I know there are wireless nets around places like Starbucks and hotels etc. but it seemed like you prefer to work nearby but outside, or maybe I just overlooked it. I’m guessing you write your articles and post them when you find a link. Where do you get your recharges? Do you carry an extra battery?

    Also I’m guessing you stash your bag and laptop when you go into places like AL INK. Seems pretty risky to me with all those Elk and nosy Jays hanging around. Raccoons around here will steal simply anything, particularly if there are snack bars or even crumbs hidden in your bag.

    You mentioned police searching you a couple of times. Does the laptop raise any extra questions from them? Suspicions?

    Do you have any wild animal stories – coyotes, deer etc? I’m sure you have had some close encounters. Any of them try to read over your sholder? I’ll say stay away from geese when you work as they will sneak right up on you! I’ve had them sneak into my garden with me on my knees and pop me before I knew they were there.

    Anyway, very interesting story you posted here. I always enjoy your columns. Good luck and don’t pick up any hitch-hikers around that prison.

    Any big plans for Veterans Day?

    Oldtimer.

    This is a good point and I am glad you have brought this up! This will be a multipart article leading from how I live through gear storage, working , feeding myself, and other articles starting today! The Wildlife I contend with are Coyote, The elk which are very peaceful and the rare mountain sheep of which I have only seen two so far. Most of the wildlife is meek and tends to stay away from humans except for Mr. Elk who exhibits a singular aloofness to all that goes on around him.

    Wanderingvet


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